(Something when I feel passive...so ,If you feel joyous now ,please close this page and just leave it along.)

   Someone said so :"For we brought nothing into this world, and it is certain we can carry nothing out." So I'm wondering maybe I should jump out of the queer circle where I feel that I really need get something with me in , cause there will be nothing when I am  about to leave but those good or bad memories. Though it seems that I am always ok,ok with everthing ,excuse me ,I really need someplace to vomit those fucking bad feelings.

   Actually, I'm thinking about how to vomit all that make me sick,but, I mean,I cannot found a good way.What are they on earth?Pressure? Pressure of postgraduate study? That's really funny,cause I choose it by myself,how dare me to complain about that. So ,that is my problem maybe---when I  feel pressure ,upset,I alway can figure out some paradoxical truth to make me believe that I will be ok. How come ? Maybe I was totally failed by that time.

  I made some simple methods to rescue me from the disgusting circle mind.I found somebody better than me for the comfort of so-and-so 's promising future,but who could only find the problem belonged to so -and- so whoself ;so I found somebody close, but who found nothing finally. However ,When I talked about that occasionally to L, she said I was worry about the future too much.She said ,make everyday worth living! I fell into silence.She hit me by the vital point.I know she's definitely right but that's just the extent I cannot reach right now.

   Maybe I need someone to tell me ,reality is cruel.

   Maybe I  should  brave the  last but no worst.

   Maybe , open my mind  ,let the sunshine in.

But what if it's just rainning outside?

   I don't know.

   Maybe, I just need some fresh air to breathe and relax...

   Thank you for "listening" ,who has been still reading  up to now.